Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Bush's God writes to Bush

Disclaimer: Thanks to the danes, freedom of speech is an ugly word now. Hence this disclaimer. Iam reproducing the letter that George W Bush's God had written to George W Bush, just before his departure to India. Don't ask how this letter got into my hands. Please note that Iam not mocking any God here and have deep respect for most people's feelings. The only people whose feelings I don't respect are Manmohan Singh and LK Advani. Of course, Bush, Jintao of China, Shwe of Burma, Gyanendra of Nepal, Laloo of India, Mahmoud of Iran, the Police Officer of New Delhi who hit me once for protesting his beating a small child at CP, all top naxalite leaders and some more don't come in the category of people. I strictly beleive that Bush's God, just like Bush's head is a figment of Bush's imagination.

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Dear George,
My Son,
I hope that my letter finds you in the best of your physical and mental health. I apologize for not talking directly in your head and instead opting for this cumbersome process of writing a letter to you, though being God and your God in particular, I don’t need to apologize to anyone. I sincerely hope that your mental faculties are not adversely impacted by going through this archaic process of reading. Last time, I categorically ordered you to bring “freedom and democracy” to the people of Aye-Raq and you listened to me. Thanks for that. Of course, I realise that after 2004, you being truly democratically elected president of USA, I have no right to give you orders.

Its been a long time since I talked to you, and since you are going to India this week, where at least 330 million and thirteen (330 million belonging to Hindus, 1 of Muslims, 1 of Christians, 1 of Sikhs, 2 of buddhists and jains, 1 of parsis and 7 more for others) of my fellow gods live peacefully, what better time to give you a piece of my advice. With so many of my fellow gods working overtime in that country, India is the only country in the world where people don’t know that you are an idiot.

Now that you are going to India, I urge you to bring peace and democracy to that country as well. Please ensure that they don’t get cheaper natural gas from the country of Aye-Ran and get all help for making nuclear weapons instead. Also ensure that the markets of that country is made free, so that your fellow corporates can sell their products there. Remember, selling your products is the only way to reach me.

We Gods had an annual general meeting last monday. Bin Laden’s bad God was also there, so was Mugabe’s, Than Shwe’s, Wen Jiabao’s and Ahmedinijad’s. We had a long argument and my motion that people cannot have the names of George Bush and Bin Laden in the same sentence was defeated 339999499 to 2. Only me and Bin laden’s bad god voted for the motion. Since a overwhelmingly large population of Gods live and manage their affairs from India, please try to get them to my side. Also inform them that it was I who created the universe and it was I who threw Adam and Eve out of the Godland for doing what-they-did in a public place. Unfortunately morning-after birth control pills were not yet available in Godland when Adam and Eve had their first moment of discovery. And since the existence of the whole mankind is because of the absence of those pills, do anything to stop the spread of these pills in your country and the rest of the world. Tell them that Darwin has a proven lineage to Lucifer and all his theories have been propagated to discredit me in particular at Satan’s insistence.
I am seriously worried these days. There is huge opposition here to walmart opening its branch in Godland and hence after morning birth control pills are still not available off the shelves. This is causing a lot of problems to me. Please talk to the India people to allow walmart in their country. Once the 330 million Indian Gods see what walmart can do, it will be easy to win them over. I must inform you that there is a significant section of people in the southern state of Tamil Nadu of India, who have organised themselves under the names of DPI and PMK, actually beleive in the concept of virgin births. They have somehow found out a way by which humans don’t need procreation for having children. Please talk to them and find out about their methods. It might be helpful)

Finally, I wish you all the best for your trip. I am heavily optimistic about your visit and I am sure that the government of that country will fall over backwards to make you happy. Remember that now you are genuinely elected president of the greatest country of the world, and by corollary the greatest leader on the planet. If anyone does not agree with your views, you have full right to smoke them out. The fire will always be behind you.

Your’s Godly,
Your God

ps: Hustler magazine has promised 1 million dollars to anyone who gives them nude pictures of the Bush twins. Please ensure that Laden does not get that money and some true american by heart has a fair chance there. If they succeed, please send a copy to me at Godland.

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4 Comments:

At 5:33 am, Blogger Abhishek Goyal said...

Diude .. This was beyond what i would mark as being funny.

 
At 6:06 am, Blogger Anoop Saha said...

Wow. Thanks for the compliment. *blush*

 
At 2:44 pm, Blogger Ashish said...

saale tu sudhrega nahi...
facts ko apne hisaab se tod-marod ke pesh karne ki aadat gayi nahi hain!! :-)
well written, though!

 
At 3:40 am, Blogger Niraj said...

Bahut achchhaa hai re...

 

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